Do You Ever…

Do you ever have those days or weeks when you feel like you owe the world an apology?

Do you ever wander back and forth from one room to another in your house because you just can’t figure out where you should be in a given moment, and you can’t make yourself want to be anywhere at all?

Do you ever pause in the middle of the work day and close your eyes and hold your breath because if you don’t STOP right now you’ll probably…scream…or sob…or goodness knows what else?

Do you ever shove all correspondence–emails, voicemails, text messages, letters–to one side saying, “I’ll get to this later,” and then never respond at all? (And yet somehow still feel overlooked and unloved when, eventually, the emails, voicemails, text messages, and letters stop coming?)

Do you ever say to the same friend(s) over and over again, “We should definitely get together sometime,” and then never make “sometime” happen?

Do you ever smile and mollify the people around you because it’s easier to gloss over the truth than it is to say what you mean outright, whatever the consequences?

Do you ever shudder at your own failure(s) in generosity?

I don’t think I’ve ever needed Good Friday as badly as I do this year. No, strike that. I always have, I’ve just never realized it so intensely.

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