So I’ll open up perhaps more than I should and confess that I’ve been feeling more than a little “directionless” of late…and I’m afraid it’s showing in this poor blog. I sign in at least three times a week to tap out posts that will move hearts and wow the world (don’t all bloggers believe, at least a little bit, that at some point their random digital mutterings WILL in fact “light the spark” that makes a difference?), and usually I type two sentences, sigh, highlight, delete, close the browser, move on to something else.
There are days when I wish I could just close the browser on my actual life and start in on something new.
Here’s what I recite to myself every morning as I walk the last fifteen yards to my office: “Somehow, some way, I’m supposed to work out my salvation HERE…TODAY.” Here, in the same office I’ve been in for three years, in a job that’s still challenging and rewarding (regardless of my complaints I know that’s still true), in a city that’s familiar and comfortable now, like a good pair of jeans, surrounded by the same people, living the same life (though the house and roommate situation keeps changing). I don’t suppose the 25-year-old Jesus ever picked up his hammer and set to work for the day thinking with a sigh, “This is fine and whatever, but aren’t I supposed to be saving the world?”
So here’s 25-year-old MB picking up her red pen and preparing for another day of editing, scheduling, paying authors, granting permissions requests, and whatever other tasks may fall across my desk. I don’t get it, and as the days, weeks, months crawl along I get it less and less. But here’s where I’m going to become a saint. Each comma inserted, typo corrected, footnote amended is another step on that straight and narrow path.
And for today, this has to be enough: “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet…” Not a blazing light that illuminates where I’ve been and where I’m going, just a little light that shows me the next step.
Onward and upward.