Disquiet

“I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that you stir not up nor awaken love until it please” (Song of Songs 8:4).

I’ve been chewing on this verse of late. I’ve always taken a lot of comfort in it–it helps me breathe easy again on those days when I start to feel a little bit guilty for still being single and liking it. “It’s okay,” I tell myself, “love hasn’t awakened in me yet. There’s nothing wrong with it. The Bible says so.”

But how do you know when “it please”? This disquieting thought has begun to intrude on my comfort. Should I be doing anything differently? In my insistence on not “stirring up love” am I stifling it? How does one know the difference?

This particular reflection has been stirred, I think, by my upcoming birthday. For the first time in my life, I’m actually just a little bit uncomfortable with that looming date. Not afraid of it or annoyed with it, or even intent on hiding my age (I’ll be twenty-six)…just mildly uncomfortable, because I can’t help but be aware of the fact that twenty-six is on the “descending side” of the twenties…the side of the arc that slopes into thirty. And, well, that’s a thought that gives a girl a slight chill now and then. Especially when her heart remains very much intact and very much her own.

There’s a lot more to life than this, isn’t there? I see it all around me, but it’s like a game other people play, and I’ve never had the chance to learn.

For now, I’ll let love continue to sleep in me. I just hope it makes itself very apparent when at last “it please.” Because I’m pretty sure I don’t know anything about it.

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5 thoughts on “Disquiet

  1. I think the problem is the only glimpses we get into this “other world” are anecdotal, from other people in different situations from our own. And that’s true whether you’re talking about the married or religious vocation–if and when it happens to us, it will be a particular experience, adjusted to our modality if you will (yay for philo-babble!). That’s what makes it so hard to imagine. Meanwhile, there’s nothing wrong with recognizing what it’s NOT–a fabrication or manufactured/manipulated result of some kind of behavior modification on your part. 🙂

    • Hahahaha! I feel like that’s blatantly going against the whole “adjuring” that happens in the Song of Songs. Not only are you “stirring up,” but you’re paying a monthly subscription in order to do it.

      Nope, I’ll save that for birthday # 27. (Not that 27 is old, I add as an urgent caveat to all my friends.)

      • Oh gosh, lol! I just meant, it might be a way to “meet” some new people with whom love may come, when it please. I realize, though, that some people are just turned off by the online format. It’s not my favorite either.

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