Within the last week, there has been a youtube video from the Teen Choice Awards that has gone viral. In this video, Ashton Kutcher tells all the screaming girl fans many things which were noteworthy (if you could hear them around the girls’ ill-placed squeals and screams), including that is name is actually Chris. Who knew?? But among them, there was one thing that he said that resonated with me:
“I’ve never had a job in my life that I was better than. I was always just lucky to have a job.”
I think that if this was in any way possible, I would have given him the biggest hug in the world and told him that right now, he was my biggest inspiration. That was exactly what I needed to hear. I probably would have cried and made him extremely uncomfortable, taking “screaming fan” to a whole new level of awkward. In retrospect, it’s a good thing that there’s about a whole country between us, and probably even more security. Be grateful, Ashton. (If you haven’t seen the video, check it out here)
But back to me. First, some back story: on a Friday back in July, my former boss, the one I was so excited to have, let me go because she “didn’t feel I was a good fit.” Not cool. Not cool at all. God and I had many a heart to heart chat about that one.
So what did I do? I took about a day to wallow in self-pity over my plight (again?? Why the heck is this happening AGAIN???), and then I jumped on the “I-Need-A-Job-STAT” ball.
By the following Monday morning, I had procured employment as a barista at a local coffee shop. In my mind I was thinking “Oh yeah, I can totally be a barista! I can handle a latte. No problem.” While at the same time: “What the heck?? I’m a nurse! Why am I going to make coffee for a living now??” Suffice it to say, there’s a massive mental battle going on in my head pretty much constantly. On the one hand, I told myself I shouldn’t give up nursing, I worked so hard for it! But on the other hand, I couldn’t (and still can’t) help but feel like maybe this was a sign. Being let go from a job once was a fluke (even though it was for a mistake I made). But being let go a second time…..maybe I’m not actually as cut out for this as I originally thought. Maybe I need to take a breather. I need some time to pray about this. If nothing else, I don’t know that I can emotionally handle the possibility of a third failure or rejection. That’s a hard thing to work through once, let alone twice.
So now I find myself going to work each day and making lattes, rather than giving medications. On the one hand, I feel much more free knowing that a simple mistake won’t kill someone; it will just screw up a beverage and piss someone off. That certainly takes some stress off.
And let me also clear one thing up: the coffee shop where I’m employed is owned by a family in the area, and I’ve had several sisters spend time employed there. It’s also been one of my absolute favorite hangouts in Hampton Roads for several years, so working there is definitely NOT a bad thing! In fact, it’s a wonderful thing! I’ve been there about a month, and so far I like the job, I love the people, and I love the atmosphere. Pretty much the only negative is that it’s not a nursing job. But I’m still working that mental struggle out in my head, so right now I’ll stick with coffee and that’s okay.
But I still have the fleeting thought that “I have a nursing degree. Why am I doing this?” And then I come to the same realization as our friend Ashton: I have a job. That’s a blessing! Many people don’t have jobs, but I do. I am no better than this job, and all I can do right now is try to be the best barista I can be, and give 110% to my job. Why? Because even if I’m not working the most glamourous or the most high-paying job, people notice when I care and when I make an effort. But more importantly, I notice when I care and when I make an effort. I’m my own worst critic, and I want to be able to give myself at A+ in any job, this one included.
Of course this also gives me much more free time — time which I can spend cultivating all those hobbies I’ve had wilting in the background of my life. I joined my church choir (and thankfully have a boss who is willing to give me every Sunday off!). I played the piano and the guitar for about 2 hours today, and it was GLORIOUS. I spent yesterday spreading mulch, weeding a garden, and planting flowers around a new mailbox. That wasn’t quite as glorious, but it still left a nice feeling in my heart as I was able to send my dad pictures of his now-lovelier garden. I have spent a great deal of time with my family, and for that I am extremely grateful.
And most importantly, I can spend more time in prayer, which is probably the best gift of all through this. I still don’t know what the future holds for me, and I’ve flip-flopped through many possibilities, but I know one thing for certain: God’s got this. This happened for a reason, and while I might not see it now, it’s part of a massive plan that will all work out in the end.
But right now, He’s blessed me with family, friends, a roof over my head, food to eat, and a source of income.
For what more could a girl ask?