Profiles in the Gap
Jen is a school nurse in Southwest Florida. She blogs at Jumping in Puddles. Follow her on Twitter, @Jen_CoxRN
Just getting back from Spain (!!), and a recent quick trip visiting my brother and his family, planning to fly up to visit family for Christmas and New Year’s, has had me thinking about how awesome my life is these days. In the hum drum of daily life, I don’t always see it, but let’s be honest: my life rocks.
I have this freedom to do what I want, when I want to. Which mostly consists of traveling and visiting all the people I love. Because, let’s face it, that’s all I ever really want to do in the first place. And, I love to travel. So it’s perfect for me! 😉 I can sleep in on the weekends or not. I can go to whatever Mass I want. I can leave my dirty clothes around, because, hey! Who is going to really see them?!
Someday (I hope!) all of this travel … all of this visiting the people that I love the most … all of this “me” time will not be so easy. My focus will be completely different. And when that does happen, it will be hard, I’m sure, but I will be so thankful to be there. But right now: I love it.
Now, this doesn’t mean that I don’t have days where I long for my future. The days where the ache of waiting and wondering are really tough. The closer I get to the age of 29 (a little over a month, people!), I question and worry. I struggle with letting my mind wander to my ideal future. This was the age my parents got married, so I have always had it in my head that until then, I was ok. I’ve had to work hard to realize that no matter what plans unfold for me … it’s ok. I’m not the One creating them. I’m just the one trying to follow the best way I know how.
This is the cross that God has given me to bear right now. Do I understand it? No. Do I love it? Obviously not. Do I want to be done with this part? Um, YES! But He is asking me to stick it out and to trust Him.
So, I am. Or, rather, am trying. Really, really hard. I am taking risks (ya know, moving to Honduras a couple years ago, moving to a new state far away from family, etc). I am trying new jobs (school nurse, anyone?!). Trying to make new friends (which has been REALLY hard! Can we talk about what that process is like as we get older? Or is this just me?). Volunteering at church (Eucharistic Minister, youth group). Blogging (I have to include that. It’s kind of a thing in my life now!). Spending as much time as I can with my sweet, sweet goddaughter, and any other little kiddos for that matter. Praying. Going to adoration. Learning to love myself better.
The desire to be a wife and mom is so deep on my heart, that there are days where I think I am crazy or weird for not having it happen yet. But I brush those thoughts aside, because I know they are not from the One who loves me most. As cliche as it sounds, everything will play out JUST as it’s supposed to. Even if/when it doesn’t fall in line with my own plans. Things will be even better.
Until then, I am going to just revel in the joy of my life now. I challenge you to do the same! 🙂
Thank you to the ladies of Life in the Gap for giving me the opportunity to reflect. It seriously came at such a wonderful time for me. 🙂 Thank you, also, for this awesome blog!