Job Interviews (Rated Unpleasant for Everyone)

It’s really funny being a grown-up. 

Remember when you were a teenager interviewing for your first job at….say….Target. You filled out a piddly little application online that took you about 15-20 minutes to complete while working leisurely. You got a call back and were scheduled for a 15-20 minute interview. You rummaged through your closet, found a nice pair of khakis and a clean business-casual-style shirt, put the two on, brushed your hair, and off you went and were probably offered the job on the spot. 

Oh, those were the days. 

Today I got a call for an interview which I scheduled for tomorrow. I know, what was I thinking?? Oh that’s right….I was thinking that I need a job. But I digress. I promptly googled everything I could about the organization for which I’ll be interviewing, I updated my “questions” list in my oh-so-professional black leather resume folder, I prepared myself for the dreaded question: “Tell me about yourself!” And I rummaged through my purse to find my clear nose ring so as to look slightly more professional. 

And then I stopped dead in my tracks as I remembered with horror: NONE OF MY CLOTHES FIT ME ANYMORE. 

This could pose a problem. 

I promptly ran upstairs to where all of my clothes are still in suitcases in my bedroom and began the never-tidy task of diving through all of them to pull out something – ANYTHING – that would work. In the end, I had a very small stack of 3 skirts that MIGHT fit, but were either old and too big or hand-me-downs from friends and too small, about 2 shirts, 2 cardigans, a blouse, and a dress, and a very large pile of all the rest of my clothes. I’ll deal with that later (maybe).  

Next: time to gather as many opinions as I can. First up, call my older sister who is basically a wealth of knowledge of all things professional and is in general my go-to person. She didn’t answer. (Way to not love me, Mabel.) No big deal, call the next person on my list. No answer again. This went on for about 4 more tries. I gave up.

I then saw that I had a Facebook message from a friend, so I decided to ask her opinion. She was of the mindset that skirts should never EVER be worn for an interview. Well how the heck is that supposed to help me now? I have a grand total of zero pants other than jeans and khakis, and I’m not 16 anymore. 

By now it’s about 4 in the afternoon, and I’m almost frantic. I have a quick Skype date with Mom, show her the ensemble I’m considering, and decide after wearing the skirt for a bit that it is uncomfortable and rides up funny when I sit. Not good. Soooooo….off I toddle to J.C.Penney, where I try on at least 20 skirts and slacks, and (after another failed attempt at calling Mabel – you’re really dropping the ball today, hon) decided finally on a nice grey skirt. SUCCESS! 

And then I get home and decide I’m probably going to pair it with a white blouse and dark purple sweater and I’ll cross the accessories bridge when I come to it. (Too much information? Sorry. I like clothes!)

Yippee! Wardrobe malfunction solved. 

And now I have to try to remain as calm as possible for the next 16 hours (give or take) until I actually show up for the interview. So what do I do? I watch youtube interview videos, of course! 

Like this one. 

(So hey, that being said, if you have a minute tomorrow, then say a quick prayer for me, will you? I’d greatly appreciate it!)

More to follow…….

-Virginia

Friendship: Time to Get Choosey

I had a conversation with a friend last night about the ebb and flow of relationships, not just in our DC area “young adults” circles but throughout our lives. This conversation followed on a Facebook “friend” request I received yesterday afternoon from a college classmate I haven’t spoken to or heard from in nearly three years. And this got me thinking about how often we forget to be purposeful in our friendships. 

Of course, most people in our lives are going to come and go. We can only sustain so many active relationships at once, after all. Sure, we can look to some people as givens — our parents, for instance, and our siblings. If you get married, your spouse and any children you may have are supposed to be pretty set as well. (For simplicity’s sake, I’m not talking about the overall culture and family breakdown here, I’m assuming relatively stable familial ties in this.) But friends?

It’s easy to take friends for granted. Especially in the DC area where friend “groups” are constantly emerging and morphing and fading away again, we tend to glom on to this or that crowd for a time, then seek a new one when it fizzles out. That’s fine for weekend plans, but friendships and friend “groups” are not the same. 

Which brings me back to a different set of conversations I had last week with different friends on the same theme, tied back to choice. Friendships — I mean real, person-to-person, caring-for-the-other friendships — have to be intentional, especially in these topsy-turvy, constantly changing single years. If you go for convenience in your friendships, you won’t be able to hold onto any of your friends for very long. I think too many of us look for love in only one kind of relationship: the romantic kind. But real love between friends involves real self-gift, and we can’t overlook that, or set it aside as somehow not important.

I’ve been amazed and humbled throughout my life, but in this year especially, by the plethora of wonderful friends God has put in my path. And now, as more and more of them are moving on to new chapters and new places, I’m touched by how regularly they maintain some level of contact with me. I used to think friendships all faded away naturally with time. Granted, moving all the time didn’t help. But more importantly, I never made the choice to stay friends with people after I moved away, and they did not choose to remain friends with me. We were not intentional about our friendships, so they faded out.  

Of course, a friendship has to be based on something substantial to last. If we’re friends because we play soccer together or watch football or talk shop after work, or go to the same school, sing in the same choir, etc., the relationship will most likely fizzle out when we can’t do those things together anymore. And that’s fine. It’s good to have friends of all types and all levels of closeness. But if you haven’t really taken the time to choose any of your friends in a particular way, to spend time and go deep and really build bonds that can last, then I challenge you to do so. Look at your friendships now. What are they based on? Is it a mutual love of a thing or an activity — or underlying all that, is there a mutual love of a Person?

Don’t be afraid to be selective about the people you choose to get close to, either. My lifetime goal is always to “friend up.” Make sure your friends are people who will help you become better, even as you help them the same way.

Part of purposeful living is being purposeful (or intentional) about your relationships — all of your relationships. For myself, I realized recently that I was so busy trying to be “friends” with so many people I was losing sight of the friends I’d really like to keep as the years go on. I’m trying to pull back and focus on those relationships. I’ve had to select the few I will make time for every week, no matter what. I’m also trying to be better about keeping in touch with dear friends who have moved far away — even if it’s just a quick text message on a Tuesday morning or a shared post via Facebook, I want them to know I’m thinking about them. Ultimately I’d love to get back into letter-writing, but I’m afraid we’re not quite there yet.

Perhaps the most important thing I’ve realized I need to work on is praying for my friends every day. I pray in a general way, “God bless all my friends,” but specific, intentional prayer for particular friends is so important. 

Friendship is a two-way street, of course, as we all know. And the old saying is too true: to have a friend, you must be one. And in order to be a friend, you have to make and re-make that choice on a daily basis, to put yourself out there, to give of yourself, and to love with intention.

Yes, many relationships in our lives will come and go, but if you’re realizing you can’t hold down a friend for more than a year or two, look at your intention. Maybe it’s time for a gut check: dive a little deeper and make some firmer commitments to at least one or two relationships. Again, friend “groups” are not the same thing as friends. Groups come and go. But real friends can last a lifetime…if you’re intentional about it. 

-Mabel

 

Now When You Say “Purposeful Living”……

Purposeful living. How would one even define “Purposeful Living?” I suppose it looks different from one person to the next.

I can tell you what it’s most likely NOT, though!

It’s probably NOT sitting in your living room browsing the internet for dresses to wear to sing in a wedding in June while surrounded by the last of your clutter that needs to be sorted and either packed, donated, or removed from your life altogether.

It’s probably NOT using your brief unemployed stint to watch TV marathons all day (although that is great fun, and I don’t know what I’d do without Shawn, Gus, and the Santa Barbara Police Department for company!)

It’s probably NOT having a daily interior battle with yourself over whether or not you WANT to go to Mass, especially when there are at least three local Masses, all at different times of the day. When the Mass is so very accessible, why on earth would there be any question in my mind as to whether or not I want to go? And yet I think I average maybe one day a week (apart from Sundays, of course) when I’m off for at least three days.

I’d say there are probably a million ways I could have used my time much more wisely. For instance, I could have completed all my packing in about 2-3 days if I had tried. I could be reading some mind-expanding literature. I could be writing a song (okay probably not that last one, since my previous attempts at songwriting have been about on par with Mary Had a Little Lamb…). I could be perfecting my skills on the guitar. I could be volunteering at a soup kitchen or a local homeless shelter. I could be volunteering at Church. I could be out saving unborn babies.

But am I? Nope. And that begs the question “why not?” Good question!

Probably because the one thing that keeps us as humans from living more purposefully is our very selves. We are naturally selfish creatures. We find it much easier to think about ourselves and our problems than others’. It’s so much easier to stay inside our own heads than to try to understand the heads of others. When faced with the option to either stay at home or do something we enjoy or to get out of our comfort zones and do something for someone else, how often do we choose the former? “It’s too far away,” “It’s too late,” “It’s been a long day/week and I’m tired,” etc. These are all the excuses I use to get out of doing things I don’t want to. I don’t know what your reasons are, and they may be much better reasons than mine. I’m also not saying that every spare minute has to be spent doing something for others, but when looking back through my life, I realized with much chagrin that the amount of time I have spent for others is pitifully low compared to the time I’ve spent for me.

This “gap,” this single time, is the PERFECT time to work on serving others first. I’m no expert, but I’ve heard that marriage is filled with compromise and selflessness and continually putting your spouse and your children first. And I would hazard a guess that this doesn’t come naturally after you’re married unless it’s something that was practiced and perfected prior to entering into marital bliss.

So all that being said, I challenge you (if you haven’t already) to prayerfully consider the ways you can get out of yourself and out of your comfort zone, either to help another person or to work towards making yourself the best version of you that you can be, and to give your life more “Purpose.”

(If you already have the most purposeful existence out there, then we’re going to need a guest post from you.)

Now go forth and do great things with your day. I’m going to get back to packing. *Sigh*

–Virginia

May’s Theme

It’s May already, folks. And like clockwork, the rains let up last night, leaving us a beautiful, sunny day today. Great way to start the month of Mary, no?

This brief post is simply to alert any and all would-be guest posters that this month’s theme will be: Purposeful living as an (often) aimless, single wanderer. 

Make of it what you will, of course, but in general we’re thinking practical. Of course the pivotal thing in living a life of purpose is having somewhere you’re going, and that somewhere should probably be heaven, and how you get there should first of all be prayer.

But for the blog, we’d love to see pieces on how you maintain focus/purpose in your daily, mundane living — whether it be keeping your schedule carefully scribbled in a planner (or an iPhone), routine trips to the gym, hobbies, plying away at your work or studies, going to bed on time, hitting snooze only once (ONCE) in the morning, clean eating, cat naps, going dancing on Friday nights — how do you keep your sense of purpose from one day to the next?

And as always, we’ll welcome posts on other topics, too. This is just to get the wheels turning if you’re looking for inspiration.

Do Not Be Afraid.

“Moving is great!” ( – No  one, ever)

I grew up in a military family, so moving has become a norm for me; it’s just a way of life. However, nothing is as difficult as moving by yourself. I know, because I’m doing it for the second time. And as I was wrapping up my fragile items and folding and sorting a mountain of laundry on the living room floor while watching The Proposal, I thought about how perfectly this whole situation ties into the theme of vulnerability.

A year ago, I moved out to Texas after one careless charting mistake resulted in the loss of my job. Now I am out of work again, not for another mistake, but from repercussions from that first gaffe (In case anyone was curious, it is an extremely difficult, expensive, and drawn out process to get a nursing license in another state after a situation like this. Basically, don’t make stupid charting errors).

Talk about vulnerability! I am having to rely heavily on sheer trust in God. I’m moving back in with my family, leaving my friends and awesome coworkers here, leaving my best friend who just had her first baby, and driving 20+ hours to Virginia. I am then going to spend the next few weeks pounding the pavement to find a job.

I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster the past few weeks, with my emotions ranging in a single day from sobbing on the living room floor over the wretched state of my “horrible life,” to praising God for his utter faithfulness and love, to laughing hysterically over whatever tickled my fancy at that very moment. I feel exactly like Rapunzel running around in Tangled, one minute ecstatic over her new found freedom, the next bemoaning her audacity to defy her mother and wailing that she’s a terrible daughter (if you haven’t seen it, you can check it out here).

Trust me, it’s stressful stuff, this whole moving thing. Seriously. I texted a friend of mine yesterday, and her response was “You’re so out of line. Get ahold of yourself, and realize how selfish you sound right now.” Which of course pissed me off immensely, but she was absolutely right! (Don’t worry, we made nice-nice after I admitted I was completely in the wrong and that she, as usual, was correct and is still awesome)

So lesson number one from this: remember to breathe, and think very, very carefully about what you say and do while under stress. It’s easy to let it get to you, but no good can come of it when it does.

Lesson number two: “God gives and takes away,” “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me….” What do these have in common? They all say the same thing: keep going, breathe, and trust that whatever you’re going through right now will pass away, and when it does your world will be a brighter place than it was before. Every cloud has a silver lining; sometimes they are as obvious as the sunshine. Other times you have to go and find them. Sometimes there are multiple silver linings…But that might be asking for too much…

The biggest lesson is this: never let your stressors and life situations keep you from clinging faithfully to God. He’s the only thing that’s constant, and He’s the only one who can get you through each and every trial and tribulation He allows. He is conditioning you for something; he is testing you, but will never let you out of the palm of His Mighty Hand. He might break you, but if He does it’s only because He needs to heal you and to make you a better person. And He will. He’s a loving father; He will never break you and leave you.

He’s got a plan. We might not see it or know it, and that’s where trust and vulnerability come in.

Cling to God, and do not be afraid. Somehow, sometime, all things will work together for God’s good.

“Not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it…So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.” (Matthew 10:29-31)

(*This post is just as much a reminder to myself as it is to anyone else. I have to slap sense into myself multiple times a day lately.)

(**I am gladly accepting prayers for my own inner peace, for a job, and for a safe and uneventful move, and for no glitches renewing my Virginia license. Please and thanks a million!)

(***I have this playlist. It’s my go-to playlist for when life seems to be getting the better of me. And it’s completely all over the place, but they’re my favorites.)

(****I’m done, I just wanted to see if you were still reading. ;p)

–Virginia

If you are what you are called to be …

You know that slightly surreal moment when you’ve just been thinking of a song or a quote and the person next to you starts singing or reciting it? (Akin to that little shiver you get in your spine when you’ve just been thinking of a particular person and your phone buzzes with a text from them.) Well, I had one of those moments on Monday evening at Mass.

I pulled into the church parking lot pondering Our Lord’s words: “I came that they might have life, and have it more abundantly.” I couldn’t really say why that particular verse had gotten stuck in my head, but it has really resonated lately. In the midst of this joyous Easter season, deeply grateful for the blessing of a new job and trying to get the pieces of my life settled into an ordered, manageable place, I wonder at times if I’m really living “abundantly” (or “to the full” as another iteration of the same verse goes).

So when Father read the words from the pulpit not fifteen minutes later, I think my mouth fell open. Clearly, the Holy Spirit is trying to get my attention.

But as I reflected more on the verse, I started to get annoyed. They’re stirring and inspiring words to be sure, but what the heck do they mean? I guess if anyone has “life to the full,” I ought to. I’m blessed in every possible way, I’m living the life of the Church and the Sacraments, but (as I whined to God in the course of that day’s prayer) I don’t feel like I’m living “life to the full.” The more I try, the more cluttered, stressed, and all-out frustrated I end up feeling.

Maybe I’m not cut out for having life abundantly.

I’ve always tied this verse pretty closely to a quote from St. Catherine of Siena (whose feast day is today): “If you are what you should be, you will set the world ablaze.” The first time I heard those words, back in tenth grade, I got literal chills. What 15-year-old doesn’t want to set the world on fire with passion for the things that really matter? But I’m twenty-seven now, and I’ve learned to be pragmatic. And the world around me remains relatively blaze-free.

There is a line in St. Jose Maria Escriva’s “The Furrow” that rings so true on the days when the nobility of our calling to greatness — to true holiness — gets lost in the shuffle. He writes, “It seems as if a thousand trifles were awaiting the least opportunity, and as soon as your poor will is weakened, through physical tiredness or lack of supernatural outlook, those little things pile up and excite your imagination, until they form a mountain that oppresses and discourages you. Things such as the rough edges of your work, your resistance to obedience; the lack of proper means; the will-o’-the-wisp attractions of an easy life; greater or smaller repugnant temptations; bouts of over-sentimentality; tiredness; the bitter taste of spiritual mediocrity…. And sometimes also fear; fear because you know God wants you to be a saint, and you are not a saint.”

Christ came that I might have life more abundantly.

And I am not a saint.

But what does having life more abundantly look like? Hearing these words at Easter, our hearts may swell with thoughts of salvation history and the triumph of the cross. And sure, ultimately having life more abundantly has something to do with grace and the state of my immortal soul. But as I go about my day-to-day living, muddling through the mundane details of turning off the alarm, picking an outfit, washing my face, making breakfast, packing lunch, facing DC area traffic, starting up the work computer, writing press releases and op-eds, talking to coworkers, responding to emails, running errands, hitting up the gym, getting to bed on time, etc., etc., etc. … where does having life to the full fit in to all of this?

There are plenty of things I know it is not.

It is not having a packed schedule. I am finally learning the value of that little word “NO,” and I’ve been employing it with more force of late. I do not have to do everything, and I can’t, regardless of how much I’d like to. That includes volunteering, freelancing, partying, and anything else that takes up chunks of the schedule and keeps me out late.

It is not having a frantic workload. I may like to be busy, to feel necessary, to believe that my work adds some measure of value to this planet, but if I’m drowning under a too-heavy workload, I’m simply drowning. (Which is, now I think of it, a closer step to dying than to having life to the full.)

It is not, even, having a full trove of friends and relationships. These are delightful, wonderful gifts, and I treasure every one of my relationships. But there are days where I feel simply stretched to the breaking point, and I have to acknowledge that “having life more abundantly” does not — cannot — consist entirely in my relationships with the people I love.

All of these things can and should be part of an abundant life, of that I’m convinced. The details of daily living done well; the offering of daily work; the pouring out of self (and receiving the same from others) in loving relationships … yes, these all contribute to having life to the full. Yet taken on their own, they become more weight, just more entries on the long list of frustrations that lead to dissatisfaction, self-pity, and that nebulous longing for “freedom” from the burdens of our day-to-day existence.

So what’s the answer? I can’t simply tack “Have life more abundantly” to the top of my never-ending to-do list — that just defeats the point.

Because, as I’m coming to realize, the point is that having life to the full … and setting the world ablaze … and being a saint … are not things that I can do. By herself, li’l ol’ Mabel isn’t cut out for doing much more than sleeping in, whining about her life, and eating too much chocolate. Christ didn’t come to tell us to live life to the full. He came to give us life to the full.

My job, then, is to receive it.

Once again, we’re faced with the supreme irony of the Christian situation: our biggest challenge is becoming small. Shut up, sit down, close your eyes, and let him work in you. On our own, we can’t do anything. We definitely can’t have truly full, abundant lives. But with him — allowing him to work in us — the world can in fact be set on fire.

–Mabel

A quote

A friend sent me this quote yesterday, and I’m putting it here for safe keeping. 

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken, it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

–C. S. Lewis, The Four Loves

This friend  asked me if I thought young adults were more susceptible to burying their hearts than other demographics. I’m not sure I’d phrase it that way. Isn’t any human being of any age susceptible to fear? And isn’t it ultimately fear of vulnerability that would lead to wrapping up the heart and storing it away in a “safe place”?

Still, I would say that the longer we remain single, the easier it is to keep the heart boxed up. We get used to our “hobbies and little luxuries,” we fall into a set routine, and we discover that life is comfortable this way. I’m guilty of this, and I suspect many of us are in some way. It comes out in different ways for different people: in refusing to confront issues that make us angry or sad or hurt with those closest to us; in jumping from one friend or group of friends to the next because we refuse to get “caught up” in relationships (and not just romantic relationships); in constant dating and then finding ourselves disenchanted; or in refusing to date because we’re pretty sure we’re not interested; in insisting we’re fine even when we’re not, because we don’t want to look weak or silly in front of our friends. I could go on and on and on.  

But I leave this post with a question, along with the quote: what are ways in which we catch ourselves burying our hearts on a daily basis to avoid vulnerability? Of course I’m not asking for a WordPress confession, but just posing the question so you can ask it of yourself.

One more thought to ponder: what is the greatest casualty of the refusal to be vulnerable? Every chick flick ever made warns that unless we break down our barriers we’ll end up alone. And while that’s got some truth to it, I don’t think being alone is the real tragedy in this. It’s what Lewis alludes to above: When we let our hearts harden in their coffins, we become irredeemable. If we can’t let the people around us break in, how will we learn to let God break in?

Thanks to good friends who send C. S. Lewis quotes on Monday mornings. You know who you are..

 

Prayers for Boston

Our prayers and thoughts are with the families of the deceased … with the injured and their families … and with all those affected by the attacks in Boston yesterday afternoon.

We pray for our nation as we continue to face these senseless acts of violence–for courage, solidarity, and peace.

 

In particular we pray for the souls of those who were tragically killed. 

Requiem aeternam dona eis, Domine, et lux perpetua luceat eis. Requiescant in pace. Amen.

 

No reason

So it’s my turn to post, and ‘Virginia’ suggested I post something funny. Which must mean — though she didn’t say it outright — that my latest posts have been a bit too heavy. What can I say? Life is serious business, folks.

Still, to please the masses, a funny post you shall have. So I bring you “Mabel’s Weekend in Review: In Which a City Girl Learns Not to Attend Picnics, Parties, or Anything Else That’s Social When She’s Suffering from Laryngitis.”

First there was the Dunkin’ Donuts run. I had to lean in real close to the nervous cashier to order coffee for an event. “Sorry,” I rasped, “I’ve lost my voice.” He looked confused but reassured me it was “all good.”

And it probably means I’m a very poor listener, but social events are simply no fun when you have no voice. I could barely squeak one or two audible words before my voice vanished again, so I kept trying to ask open-ended questions. They must not have been very good questions. Conversation lagged. People who didn’t know me started backing away slowly after about thirty seconds. People who DID know me just laughed at me.

Yeah, you know who you are.

Today I’m living in hope that no one stops by my office to find out how my weekend went. But hey, there’s nothing like a little case of laryngitis to endear you to new colleagues, right? That and my persistent, hacking cough which has got to be driving the guy in the office next to me absolutely crazy.

And related to absolutely nothing, I give you a video that had me crying I was laughing so hard. #bestlunchbreakvideoever

Happy Monday, friends. Happy Monday.

-Mabel

Odds & Ends: April’s ‘theme’ for guest posts

Friends, a brief housekeeping post:

Starting this month, we’ll be focusing on specific themes each month for our guest posts. This is mostly to provide help and/or goading to those of you who have expressed interest in writing for us, but aren’t sure what to write about.

Without further ado, the theme for (the rest of) April is vulnerability — inspired by ‘Virginia’s’ post earlier this week.

Guest writers can take that and run with it any way they want, whether it be relationships, friendships, spiritual life, suffering, or some other connection.

From now on, we’ll plan to post themes at the beginning of each month.

Yours Ever,
LifintheGap